If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person,
It there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world
***This is some HUMOR from a friend, about called Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). If you feel it may offend you please skip ***
***this small section. However, please know that we have kept in mind that this is a very real and painful disorder. BUT, Sometimes ***
***a smile can help make a very difficult situation a bit more tolerable and I wasn't offended by these personally.***
New Tax Form MPD-1040
Form MPD- Certain deductions are available for those who qualify as
multiple personalities in the current tax year. Deductions will reduce
your taxable income or increase your refund even if it exceeds your
income. To qualify, you must pass the following screening test.
1. Mono-personalities with mood swings do not qualify, even if you have been accused of multiplicity.
2. PMS, mid-life crisis, and Monday morning syndrome do not qualify.
3. You qualify if you agree that you are multiple, even if some of you do not admit it, or if some of you agree but others do not but would
admit it if they did, or all of you agree to disagree. If you understand this statement, you automatically qualify and may proceed.
____Claim the number of dependents in your system here.
____Stand back and let the independents claim themselves here.
____Total: Add this number to the total exemption in form 1040.
____Enter all the costs of therapy sessions, including transportation, bandaids, multiple personality wardrobes, cost of therapy
and value of your time in training your therapist.
____Check here if you would like these expenses deducted from your income and added to the income of your perpetrator(s).
____Check here if you think the perpetrator(s) should be audited by the IRS. If it turns out they owe additional funds to the IRS,
where should we send you the check?
____Add five cents deduction for every time you have heard or read that multiple personality was presumed to be a disorder.
____TOTAL: Subtract this amount from the income portion of your form 1040
My mind is not my own you see,
It belongs to many more than me,
My body is not my own,
It houses others as a home,
My life is not my own you see,
I wonder why this has to be,
What did I do to make this so,
That is what I would like to know,
I cannot be complete and whole,
You broke my heart and twisted my soul,
See you fooled my mind oh what a thrill,
I did not know these things were real,
If only you could do one nice thing,
Please leave my mind and my dreams,
Why did you not love me as you said,
Now I only wish you dead!
How many alters does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as will: one to change the bulb, one to change it back, three to argue over whether they want it light or dark, one to throw the
lightbulb against the wall to hear it crash, one to clean up the mess, four to go shopping for new bulbs and come home with stockings, licorce
and masking tape, one who insists it "is" the lightbulb and doesn't understand why everyone always wants it to change and can't it just be itself etc....
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MULTIPLE WHEN.....
*You go to the movies and qualify for the child, student, and senior discount rates.
*There is a dozen messages on your answering machine and none are for you.
*You have to save up all year for your therapists birthday presents.
*Your dog responds to a dozen different names.
*All your co-workers have to find you to work their child-proof lighters.
*You ask for extra name tags at a convention.
*You have 6 toothbrushes in your bathroom and you live alone.
Should be seen not hurt
Sit there pretty as can be,
Sit there nice so all can see,
Just a trophy on the wall,
Becareful or you might fall.
Sit very quiet, make not a sound,
Sit very still don't even look around,
Just a trophy on the sill,
Hush you must sit very still
Here I sit, quiet as can be,
Praying you'll look inside for Me,
Hush that crying deep inside,
Holding the anger I must hide.
Why can't I die?
Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great Being Multiple!
10. If the blind date's a dog, can usually find SOMEONE who like them.
9. Can finally wear that interesting shade of orange and not take the blame.
8. Have enough players to form your own volleyball team.
7. Able to excuse purchase of faaaaaabulous dinnerware pattern..... for 12!
6. Legitimate reason for buying Dove Bars in family packs.
5. Always win when someone says, "Let's take a vote!"
4. Extra dependents at tax time.
3. Weekends spent shopping at Lord & Taylor for extra wardrobes.
2. 17 birthdays in one year.
.....AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY IT'S GREAT BEING A MULTIPLE:
1. Group discounts at Disneyland!!!!!!!
More Plusses and Minuses of Having Multiple Personalities
-You own more of a variety of clothes.
-You embarrass everybody at your family reunion, when you argue with yourself on how Mom has been treated.
-Occasionally, at your place of employment, you have a choice of time cards.
-Sometimes you go to work with scratches all over your face from the night before from fighting over the TV remote.
-You go crazy each December, asking your multiples what they want for Christmas.
-When you visit the doctor, he gets 54 different complaints.
-You sit in the restaurant for hours arguing on who pays the check
-While in the middle of hot love making, one of your selves wants to get up and have a bowl of cereal, the others bitch
and moan about not enough foreplay, while someone else wants to go out and shut off the sprinklers.
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with fear,
they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity,
they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.
If children live with jealousy,
they learn what envy is.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn to be confindent.
If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.
If children live wtih approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance,
they learn to find love in the world.
If children live with recognition,
they learn to have a goal.
If children live with sharing,
they learn to be generous.
If children live with honesty and fairness,
they learn what truth and justice are.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those around them.
If children live with friendliness,
they learn that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If children live with serenity,
they learn to have peace of mind.
With what are your children living ?
- Dorothy L. Nolte
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